Have you ever had a dream that came to life? How about losing the one you love and not being able to save them? What about a gift that you were cursed with? Well image having all three like Sicily "Sissy" Monroe.
"Some might say what I have is a gift. I say, I want to return it." Sissy declares.
Sicily "Sissy" Monroe has all the qualities of a perfect young lady. She is almost where she wants to be in life. But lying deep in the pupil of her eyes hold something that she cannot get rid of which interferes with her plans. She fights everyday with no one but herself. After having her first vision at age six of her sister's (Misty) disappearance and the dreams of failing to save her, Sissy wants no part in another person's fate. For years Sissy tried hard to avoid contact with people because she feared foreseeing their death. In keeping with this, she tries to stay away from her family. Little did Sissy know she could not run from her past, or her gift. She hopes someone will put her out of her misery, but she will soon discover that her visions and dreams were just a mere image of herself.
|Excerpt 1 from Chapter 7 |
She sat across from me at the table. “So how are things going, Sissy?” My mother had a way of starting a conversation without getting to the main point at first, but slowly creeping up to it, so that it throws you off, because you’re trying to figure out how the subject got switched in the first place.
“Everything is going fine, Ma,” I looked at her carefully, aware of her tricks.
“How are your classes going? Are you keeping up?”
“Ma, I am a senior now. I think I have caught on by now,” I said, biting into the crisp bacon that was just right, crunchy like I like it.
“Have you finally decided on a major?”
“Why?” my mother asked nonchalantly, sipping on her coffee. I had a feeling something was brewing, so I kept the conversation at a steady pace.
“I just want to help people. You know, find out what’s on their minds, try and stop them from making any drastic decisions. Lead and guide them.”
“Sissy, you let the good Lord lead and guide those people. You can’t save people from bad decisions. People are going to do what they want to do.”
“I know, Ma, but if I can just help someone I will feel like I’m doing a good thing for people rather than—” I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn’t want to say too much.
“Rather than what?” my mom asked, eating her fruit, not taking her eyes off of me. I had to come up with something quick before I spilled too many beans.
“Rather than ignoring them like society does.”
“Is that how you feel? That society ignores people?”
“Yes. Society would throw people away and call them crazy, rather than trying to figure out what triggered the insanity.” Like me, I wanted to say.
It wasn’t just because I had visions and dreams. I wanted to understand the mind and how it works and functions. I wanted to know why people do what they do. I figured if I could get a few logical answers, I could take these theories and run with them.
“Are you saying that you’re being ignored, which is the reason why you majored in psychology?” She looked at me with eyes so intense, they could kill a fly.
This was the switch in subject I was looking for. She already had in her mind a link. She would link up my studying psychology with the feeling of being ignored, abandoned, and thrown away. Then she would link my acting out last night in front of Mark to my feelings of being ignored, abandoned, and thrown away. I swore this woman needed to become a psychologist herself. She was just that good.
“OK, Ma, let’s get to the real subject at hand,” I said, moving my plate to the side. By this time I was completely done with my food, believe it or not.
“Sissy, honey, I am just asking questions, but now that you have mentioned it…” she said, with a grin on her face. Dang, I fell for it. I knew it was coming. “Honey, do you feel like I am abandoning you because Mark and I are engaged?” She took a forkful of pancakes and stuffed them in her mouth.
I decided to keep this to a “yes,” “no,” and “maybe” conversation.
“Yes,” I said.
“Why do you feel that way, honey?”
I just hunched my shoulders.
“Oooh, no…you do know. Talk to me, Sissy, please.” The pleading in my mother’s voice made it sound like her heart was cracking into two. I needed to tell her the truth, but the truth would only break her heart more.
“I feel like no one understands me. I feel like the odd girl out.” I broke into tears. “I have no social life, no friends, and no boyfriends. I feel like if I get too close to someone, something bad is going to happen.” I buried my head in my hands, hoping that answer was good enough for her to leave me alone, but then I couldn’t help myself, I continued. “I fear if I get too close, I will be left with a broken heart, thinking it’s something when it’s not.” Then I cried more, because that was only part of the truth. I just had to say I feared a broken heart so it would seem like I was letting her into my mind, but not too much.
“It’s OK, honey, nothing bad is going to happen.” My mom reached over to rub my shoulder. I realized too late that I should have stuck with my yes and no responses.
|Excerpt 2 from Chapter 12 |
Our eyes were locked. I felt like I was floating on air, like there was no gravity. I blinked to break the intense concentration, and tried to maneuver around him to get to the table where the cake was. He stepped to the side.
I walked over to the table, feeling dazed. It was like I was standing on a cloud that was so light under my feet.
I grabbed a paper plate, took the knife that was still in the cake box, and began to cut a big piece. I placed the cake on the plate and, as I was cleaning up the crumbs, I felt hands around my waist. I turned around quickly, and before I could say anything, his lips were on mine and time had frozen.
Electric currents raced through my body like aggressive waves on the verge of becoming a tsunami. I felt the room spin. I placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling his head forward so that I could have the fullness of his lips on mine. His kiss was sweet like honey, and my body was responding to the sugar, causing my blood levels to rise. I was definitely on a sugar high.
We stood there unable to pull away from each other’s embrace, so caught up with each other that we didn’t hear anyone come in the kitchen.
“Uh-huh!”We stopped and pulled away from each other when we heard the voice.
It was Mr. Mark, standing in the doorway, looking embarrassed. “Umm…sorry I walked in on you guys, I just needed some water.” He walked over to the refrigerator to get a cold bottle of water.
Chris and I stared at each other, smiling. We felt like little kids that were doing something bad, and got caught in the act.
“Oh, don’t let me interrupt,” Mr. Mark said, grinning like a Cheshire cat, sipping on his water as he walked out of the kitchen.
Chris and I looked at each other and started laughing. For the first time ever, I felt free. Chris wrapped his arms around my waist again.
“Where have you been all of my life?” I said, as I laid my head on his shoulder. Maybe I was giving in too quickly, but the connection between us at that moment was something I had never felt. It was like our hearts were magnets trying to come together, closing the space in between us. But I couldn’t help thinking, There will always be a space between us—that gap that he knows nothing about, and that is my dreaded gift.
He lifted his head up, so that our eyes could meet. Then he grabbed my chin and said, “I’ve been here. I have always been here. You just weren’t looking hard enough for me.” He kissed my neck softly and rested his head on my shoulder.
I closed my eyes as I tucked my head under his chin, brushing my lips against his neck. We were enjoying the moment, inhaling each other’s scent. It was so hypnotic, I almost fell to my feet.
It all felt so right, but deep down inside, I was afraid of how this would end. I didn’t want it to end at all, but a part of me wanted to tell him. To warn him of the things that I saw but could not control.
If I was to have a vision of Chris’s death, it would kill me.
But I wanted to be happy. I wanted to experience love…first love, for that matter. I’d talked to guys before, but it was always on a friendship level, because I knew I could not get that close. Being close to someone emotionally was out of the question. But now I wanted to be selfish. Why not?
Chris and I stood there for the longest time without saying anything. I wondered what he was thinking. I inhaled deeply as I looked in his hazel-colored eyes. “What are you thinking?” I asked.
“I’m thinking about how I never want to let you go. Sissy, I want us to build something together. I think about you so much, and now that you are here in my arms I don’t want to let go.”
I looked down, my arms still around him tight. “Then don’t let me go.”
|Excerpt 3 from Chapter 13 |
He hugged me and said, “I will keep in touch.” I just nodded and let go.
I stood there and watched him get into his car and drive off, then watched his taillights fade into the darkness down the street. I felt something wet against my skin when the cool air breezed past my face, and realized I was crying. Wiping my eyes didn’t help much, as the tears were flowing like a waterfall.
I was one big mess.
I began to shake, like the temperature had dropped fifteen degrees. Pull yourself together. You knew something like this would happen! Why are you crying now? I thought about it. I was not crying because of Chris—I was crying because I knew I could never let love find me. But I didn’t want to hide from it. I wanted to reveal myself to it, but my visions held me back. So I let love pass me by like I wasn’t there.
I heard the door open. My family was laughing and talking as they walked out of the house, then hugged one another goodbye on the porch. I quickly wiped my eyes and turned around to find that my Granny was standing next to me. She looked up at me, and her eye narrowed as she frowned. I smiled, trying to play off the pain that I was feeling in my heart. It felt like a knife had sliced through it, and never been pulled out.
She grabbed my arm and said, “Love will only find you if you let it. You’re not letting love do its job. You’re trying to do its job for it. You need to be free in your mind and heart. Don’t let the gift that has been bestowed upon you ruin your life—just let it be a part of it.” She shook her head. “Life is only what you make of it. It is your perception of it that makes life the way it is. You have to come to terms with how you want to live it.” She hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.
I knew this was the last time I would see her beautiful face and her salty-colored hair, but I prepared myself for the outcome. It would break me and my family, especially my mom.
C. S. Dorsey currently lives in Northern California. She graduated from the University of Phoenix with an Associate’s Degree in Financial Services, and is currently working for a financial institution. She never thought about writing until one day this girl started talking to her in her head and never stop.